HEY KADIJAH: My boyfriend just proposed with a ring that isn’t a diamond. Thing is, I already knew it. We picked it together! We wanted something beautiful that didn’t cost as much as a used car. And now, we can save for our first house. I love the ring, but my friends are saying he’s “cheap” and I should rethink marrying him. Am I making a mistake?–Signed, Sparkles Anyway
Kadijah’s Two Cents on the Engagement Ring
Hey Sparkles,
Hell to the yeah, you made a mistake, but not about your man or your ring.
Girl, lemme get this straight: you and your man had a mature, grown-a$$ conversation, made a sound financial decision together, and came out with a ring you love. And your friends are mad because … what? It didn’t come from a James Bond villain’s blood diamond mine?
Let’s be real: a diamond or any gem is just one of capitalism’s longest running scams … dipped in sparkle and cloaked in a velvet box. A scam that doesn’t make a marriage last, but you know what does? Joint Costco memberships, remembering each other’s Starbucks orders, and at least one of you being able to catch and release a spider at 2 a.m.
Your friends don’t have to wear the ring, struggle with the payments, or sleep next to the man. You do. And you already know the ring is real the ways that matter: it’s real love, real teamwork, real commitment. Also, it’s real sparkly. So, if anyone squints hard enough to judge your jewelry, maybe they need less wine and more hobbies.
Which brings me to back to your mistake. Those friends of yours? Well, the next times omeone calls him cheap, tell ’em, “Yessiree, Bob, he’s cheap as hell,” … as you entertain them in your slamming new home before swanning off on your next vacay. All while they’re still financing what’s on their finger.
Sparkles, enjoy your ring and your husband-to-be. And maybe find yourself some new friends.
Love (and side-eye to those friends of yours),
Kadijah
P.S. Aw, hell. She just can’t stop herself. S. Marie’s got something to say about e’erything. Here’s her family history take on your ring.
S. Marie’s Two Cents
Dear Sparkles: I’ll make this fast, because Kadijah’s getting awfully salty. Said my two cents isn’t worth a square of toilet paper.
That ring you and your fiance chose? The worth isn’t in the dollar amount. It’s in the love that bought it. And when you two are no longer here, I promise you any heirs that are lucky enough to inherit it won’t give a fig about its monetary worth.
The worth will be in memories of you. Of perhaps, having seen it sparkle on your hand while folding clothes, reading a book, or tending their boo-boo. Of having a cherished piece of you still with them, even if they never knew you.
I have so many things from ancestors that are worth ABSOLUTELY nothing in money terms. And yet, they are priceless to me.
Tangible reminders of where I am from, and that I have their strength in me. And their love.
So, my dear, don’t let your friends bully or hoodwink you. Your relationship, your love, and your ring will sparkle for generations to come in the hearts and minds of your descendants.
Genealogically yours,
S. Marie
P.S. Next time she’s on the pot, looks over at an empty roll, and starts yelling for me … well, I’ll see how much a square of toilet paper is worth to Kadijah. 🤣
P.P.S. And if you want some advice on how to choose who to leave your cherished possessions to, this article may help you.
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