HEY KADIJAH: Late one night before showering, my boyfriend Jake tossed his phone on the bed. A few minutes later, it pinged with a text notification from his ex. I wanted to read it, but I didn’t.
When Jake got in bed, they texted back and forth for a few minutes. How do I know it was her? I’m not proud of it, but I purposely kissed him and let my eyes swipe right to his phone.
Anyhoo, I fumed a while, then finally asked him about it. They just check in on each other every once in a while, he said. As friends.
We’ve been together two years. Living together for one. I had no clue they still keep in touch. When I pointed that out, he said it’s no biggy. Quit bugging out. She’s just going through a rough patch.
Kadijah, am I wrong to be upset? Secretly texting his ex isn’t okay, is it? Please gimme your two cents.–BUGGING IN BALTIMORE 🥹
KADIJAH’S TWO CENTS
DEAR BUGGING: Is secretly texting his ex okay?! Okay, boo. One cent will pay for this.
Hell no, it ain’t okay. That you had no idea they’re still in touch is a red flag–of the flamingo red variety. I see wings flapping like crazy.
Like clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake of Ask Dr. Sherry in Essence magazine says, “I am always suspicious when a person maintains their relationship with an ex without their current “significant other” being aware and knowledgeable of the nature of the relationship.”
Don’t get me wrong. It could be totally innocent, like Shaky Jake says. Or not so much. Regardless, his ex needs to find herself a new emotional support pet. A cat, a dog … a flamingo. Whatever. Just not him.
Rather than snoop around to find out what’s up, I suggest bulldozing your way through the BS.
Tell Shaky Jake you’d love to meet his former flame. Something like this:
Hey sweetie, sorry I was bugging. Lemme make it up to you. Let’s invite–let’s call her Eve–let’s invite Eve to dinner. I’d really love to meet her.
Then, sit back and watch his face show. If he welcomes the suggestion, you’re good. If he looks like you just caught his a$$ in a sling, chile, you in trouble.
Abort mission, boo.
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