HEY KADIJAH: My girlfriend is dope. She’s smart, funny, caring, and sex-aaayyyy. She’s perfect, except for one teensy thing. Her cooking. Whew-ee! The child can’t cook to save her life. Or mine. And I don’t mean she’s just not seasoning the food. Her concoctions are so outlandish, our dog Gangsta doesn’t even beg for scraps.
She says her food’s an acquired taste. But I swear, Kadijah, I’m a little scared about where I’d have to go to acquire that taste. Mars, Jupiter, Hell?
I’d really like to respectfully suggest that maybe she take some cooking lessons or be less adventurous in her recipes. How can I do that without offending her? —Signed, Hungry and Nauseated in Dallas
Kadijah’s Two Cents on Cooking and Chef Boy-ar-flee
Hey Hungry,
I’m gonna make this easy and answer you in one-syllable words.You can’t tell her ish ’bout her food!
Not unless you’re looking to move on in the doghouse with Gangsta. But I got you, boo. Here are some suggestions. Take your pick.
- Tell her you’ve gone raw. For your health. How much damage can a person do to broccoli or kale salads? 🥦🥗 And sneak those ribs and mac n cheese in at lunch.
- Tell her your doctor prescribed intermittent fasting. And damn, your fasting hours are any hours she’s cooking. 🕰️
- Consider that you two might be dietarily incompatible and her cooking’s a dealbreaker. I’m just sayin. 😍
- Maybe try Mars or Jupiter to acquire the taste, because if you say anything it’ll be UrANUS. 😂
Okay, all jokes aside, here’s my bottom line, bro. If your lady’s cooking isn’t to your liking, you have three feasible options. One, keep eating it anyway. Two, if you can cook, step up and into the kitchen yourself and put Chef Boy-r-flee out of business. Three, if you can’t cook, take those cooking lessons yourself and become Chef Boy-r-me. Sorry, couldn’t resist one last joke. 😜
That’s all I got. But I’ll be praying for ya.
Love (and glad she ain’t my boo),
Kadijah
P.S. Me and S. Marie rarely agree on anything, but she says I’m right. Halellujah, Lord! Finally. 🙏🏽 Anyhoo, she said to tell you she thinks you’ll look great in an apron and make a great cook. And to burn, baby, burn. 🥘🔪🍳
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